How Can I Help My Grieving Friend?
Watching a friend, family, or peer lose someone they loved so dearly, all we want to do is jump in and help them to the best of our ability.
But how? The reality is that the one way you could make someone's grief go away is by bringing that loved one back for them.
Naturally, as humans, we want to jump in, help, and fix. We will fight to make someone feel better! But with grief, it is challenging because there isn't a fix. Grieving humans don't need fixing, they need love.
So What Can I Do?
The best way to support someone grieving is simply to listen.
Listen to them. Listen to their pain. Thoughts. Fears. Memories.
Don't bombard them with questions. Yes, fun activities to bring some joy are amazing, but can't always help grief.
The simplest of questions and just the presence and love of humans can motivate someone for a lifetime.
What Can I Ask?
"How are you doing this afternoon?" "What are you feeling right now?"
"What were they like?"
"How did you sleep?"
"What is one of your favorite memories?"
Directing the questions to a smaller time period helps the griever process more and feel less overwhelmed. You'd be surprised at how much someone might share with the simplest of questions.
Frequently Asked Questions... About Death...
"I have never experienced grief or loss before, and my friend's mom just passed away. This is so upsetting, I wanna be there for them, but what do I say?"
Death is scary, and seeing someone grieve without having much experience is often very hard for people. It's taboo. It's as simple as,
"I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't understand this type of loss, but I am here to support you in every single way you need, forever"
I may not understand this, but my heart aches for you" "I am so
sorry, they were amazing"
"I haven't spoken to them in years, but their sister just died. I don't think it's my place to say anything. Should I?"
Yes, absolutely. When someone is grieving, they will hold on to all the love they can get. Human to human, we need to support each other. Death is the most human thing that can happen, so regardless of your connection to someone, there will never be judgment, only appreciation and respect for you.
When is the right time for people to move on from grief and their loss?
Actually, never. Grief is a forever journey. No one ever forgets their loved ones. You can find yourself crying 2 or 20 years after someone has passed on, which is healthy and shows your everlasting love.
I'm gonna see a peer who's loved one passed away over the weekend out in public today, I should ignore the death right? I don't wanna remind them...
Actually, no. Of course, there is a time and place for deep conversations. Yet often, when people's losses are ignored, it makes them feel forgotten. It makes them feel no one is thinking of them and that people have already forgotten about their loved one... No one has ever forgotten about their loved one's, there's no such thing as reminding them here.
It is always in the back of their brains, and you are recognizing their journey.
It can be simple, "By the way, I'm sorry about your aunt, I'm so glad to see you and spend time with you tonight"
The simple gesture of "I'm sorry for your loss" means the entire world to someone.
